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SpeakHerMind13
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Name: Kate
Country: United States
Gender: Female
Interests: The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.(Writing)
Expertise: You tell me what you think of my work, and I'll return the favor to your work.
Occupation: Writer
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  kzwriter13
Member Since:
9/30/2005
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| Nothing Else Mattered(*Did you ever wish you could erase part of your life? I suppose it's been awhile since the last entry.*)
I suddenly felt cold. I knew my flesh had turned pasty and my expression stony. A nausea entered my stomach and threatened to escape. It was a queer feeling that made me feel like I had swallowed a bucket of worms and then preceded to get kicked in the stomach.
I felt pain through my heart that I never knew could be felt, and it physically hurt. Waves of regret and hopelessness splashed angrily within my mind. I was nothing. I had nothing. I felt as though the hobo living under the bridge had more to hope for than I. He, surely, would come closer to achieving his goals in life that I could ever imagine.
That wasn't true. I knew exactly what I wanted in life. I could imagine my dream life in ten years perfectly, but what once felt like a two-hour drive down the turnpike was now a seven light-year walk through a jungle I'd like to call my past.
I was tainted with the sins I'd already committed, and somehow I had earned myself a scarlet letter which forbid my dreams from ever coming true. That scarlet letter was a black hole in my heart, and I yearned to find a way to rip it from my world completely.
I knew that could never happen. I was stuck with my past. My scars. I could not lie about what I had done, but what I had done had somehow shaped who I was to others. No one believed, or cared to believe, who I really was. Maybe I was afraid to let them know me. Maybe I was afraid of getting hurt. Again. For the first time.
Confusion racked my being, and the room began to spin as though I'd had way too much to drink. There wasn't much I was sure about. There was nothing in the past I was sure about. I was sure about two things. One was what I wanted, however far away it now seemed. The other was what I loved. I was willing to fight for both, sacrifice for both, surrender everything else for both. Because to me nothing else mattered.
I had never felt that before either. Nothing else mattered.
(*Just some thoughts.*)
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| Snowless Winter Lives On(*Happy December, Folks. Its neither cold nor warm nor temperate enough for my liking. I'm waiting for the snow to come while I get in the holiday mood. Christmas and the New Year are looming just ahead. Are you ready?*) 
Oh December, the wondorous month of spending every last penny saved over the past few months. Spending it away amoungst millions of pushy, impatient, and more than a bit rude customers who are also in "the holiday mood." The weather is cold. Maybe not freezing this year, but colder than prefered. The radio and television stations were obducted and now voice the corny and rediculously squeeky voices of children or low bellow of Burl Ives. Rock, Metal, Country, even Hip Hop is a thing of the past. But you love it. You love christmas lights (and even count the number of houses decorated with them as you drive along the wintry roads.) You love seeing a tree in almost every home, because you know that it took them the same hour and a half time to pick out the perfect tree and then twice that time to decorate it just right. Even though you had to wrestle with a rather snappy old lady over the last Playstation 3 you love that old lady. You know that she wants Christmas to be just perfect as does the rest of the world. And thinking about the inevitable feat of one man flying around the world on a bunch of flying reindeer seems funny to you, but pretending you believe in Santa Clause just brings you back to when you were a kid and could hardly sleep on Christmas night.
(*Merry PreChristmas.*) Kate | | |
| Busy(*I've been pretty busy lately, but here's a little something.*) The Sun Only Blinds Some I stared at the sunset until I went blind,
They say I'm crazy, I lost my mind,
But I can't help but hope for more.
Though I may share my romantic moments with myself,
I'm a dreamer dreaming for the most of what's left,
But I can't help but look for more, I do a two step in Times Square for Monopoly money,
To those who have no imagination dancing looks mighty funny,
But I can't help but expect more. Most see little productivity in feeling the wind and the waves on your cheek,
There's a lot you can learn from sailing the ocean for a week,
But I can't help but search for the most. (*Took me five minutes to write. I'll have to fix it up a little bit later.*) Kate
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| The End of the World(*Okay, so yesterday temperatures reached over 70 degrees out which is highly unusual for December. Today, the temperature has dropped to somewhere in the 40s. Winds last night were predicted to range around 40-60 MPH -whether or not this prediction came true I was not out doors to find out. But the winds did cause local accidents including a head-on collision where one of the involved vehicles exploded. The passengers of that car did not survive. I know that the weather is all natural, but in part we can be blamed.*) The world is ending, there's global warming, Holes in the ozone, America lives on the phone. Blame it on wildfires, Political liars, Or the extinction of African tigers. Falling apart, The world will part. Farewell, ado, adios, sweetheart. (*Has anyone seen War of the Worlds, Water World, etc? Not too far off.*) Kate | | |
| What do you do when...?No story today. Today I am asking, nay pleading, for advice from anyone who has insight, experience, or just a hunch about the following matter to please give me some good advice whether privately or publically (I don't care.) I have a close friend who I recently discovered is involved in drug use. They do not try hard to hide it from me or anyone and I am very concerned of what physical and criminal issues they may come across by dealing with this. The issue is a touchy one with which they have asked me not to talk about, but on occasion they will say a few words here and there about it. They know it bothers me. However, I cannot tell them to quit and we both know that. By telling them they have to quit or else I am not getting anywhere, but by not saying anything I feel that I am doing nothing. Every story I have of people I know or people I've heard of who've done pot and had it end badly has just become another story to them, and they are invincible (or "careful".) They are a great person, and I'd hate to see our relationship fall apart or end by this. Any help? Helpless at Home, Kate | | |
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